Love the Second time around

Falling in love almost seems romantic, heart fluttering, and you tend to picture yourself being swept away by the magic of the moment. Although once you have felt the loss of love your not so willing to play romantic cupid again anytime soon. In fact the very thought of being swept away is really scary because you don't know if your going to loose someone again. Does that mean that love is going to stop itself from coming to you? Nonsense. This article is designed to help you understand, get control of some of your fears, and see the positive outcome. I must state for the record, I am not a medical professional my advice comes from basic psychology, insight, experience, and opinions from watching others. My advice shouldn't be used over professional treatment if prescribed. With that said, if you would like to leave a comment at the bottom of the page either negative or positive please do so respectfully. I will delete hateful, mean or rude comments instantly. All feedback is respected and appreciated respectfully. Now onto the question when you are with someone new and you been together for awhile, why is that you are so afraid of opening yourself completely to them? What exactly is holding you back from loving with all your heart? Why are you scared that there going to walk away from you? How do you stop fighting yourself? I'm going to answer these questions because at some point when your falling in love for the second time these questions are the ones holding you back. Sometimes your so afraid of the answers that you seek answers from friends and family hoping to hear something better than what you know in your head. Never fear because advice is here! Ready? Lets do this together!

Most of us who got hurt the first time around are not willing to admit that the side effects of the loss of that loved one impacted you in more ways then you realize. You may feel your completely over it and have moved on with your life. All true statements, except for when things start to get real and your heart starts to reach for someone new. That's when those nasty side effects start working almost like poison in your heart. What are those side effects exactly? Well they vary from person to person and case to case. Although the universal side effects are fear, anger, denial, and victimizing yourself. Now let me explain how each one works slowly, fear works something like this: the thought that this isn't going to work with this person. It is only a matter of time before they leave and never come back. Why put myself out there when I have nothing to offer them? I don't have a heart anymore to love them back. All those thoughts are fears that are injecting your thoughts like poison. All these thoughts have one purpose to stop you from falling in love again. Now lets go to anger and how it works. You get angry with this person because they keep pushing you for your feelings. You get angry because you don't want to care for this person even though they are showing they care about you. You get angry because you think to yourself why now? What do I possibly have now that would make someone want to love me? This person is really just a joke because obviously they don't understand their own feelings to say something that deep. All of those thoughts are anger, they are like another poison infecting your ability to love successfully. Now denial which is super common. Denial works like this, you think to yourself that this person is only being so nice to me because they want something from me. They don't have feelings like that for me. They don't want my love, the only reason they are still here is because no one else has made them an offer yet. They probably have been sleeping around with plenty of people behind my back, so why should I love them? The wheel of denial just keeps spinning even though it is completely oppose of what you see and feel with your own eyes/hands. Lastly, a personal favorite of mine, victimizing yourself. How does this work? Well you start looking for things to fight about. You start searching for dirt on them so you can a reason to walk away forever. You start taking what they said and making it ugly. Ultimately you shut them out completely by pushing them away from you with your actions. All of these as you may have already guessed can and do often work together. They work together to create almost a grid lock against you reaching your ultimate goal of being in love.

So with everything working against you, how do you get past that? How do you get to the next level? Well first you have start at the source of the problem. Which is not the person your with. The source of the problem is the last person you loved. The first time you experienced true love. That pain of loss which is equal to the experience of death can be long lasting. First you have to be honest with yourself and see that a part of is still holding on. You may not still love that person, or be holding onto hope of being with them, but MAYBE you're still holding onto the experience of BEING with them. I will assume that experience was sometimes positive but mostly negative because your not together anymore. Now holding onto that experience you might have compared it to your current situation which will not benefit you or the other person. To end all of this, first you need to analyze what exactly about that old situation scared you. What was the moment that pushed you away forever. Once you done that you need to face your fear and say that your not the same person you was before. It wasn't anyone's fault it just wasn't meant to be. Lastly you need to look forward without fear, you need to look at the person your with and decide that your all in. That whatever happens next happens, never try to predict what will or won't happen because love doesn't follow a plan.

The whole point of this article is to not live in the past you have to live for the present. You have to be able let the past go. If your not able to do that then your simply not ready to move forward with someone else. Now not say that the second time around will be your last but you need to be able to learn how to move forward. The hard part is to let go because that is the hardest part of everything. Life is about making that risk for that reward. Happiness comes when your able to let go of everything and enjoy your life as it. I hope you enjoyed my article and found it helpful. Until next time readers, ciao.